Ezekiels Esoteric Explosion

Sure Uuuuhhh big bang boom I like hamburgers

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the spell. It’s a 5th-level evocation. I think. It might be a 6th if you use the spicy mustard, but let’s stick to the basics for now so nobody accidentally turns their apprentice into a pile of relish.

5th-level Evocation
Casting Time: 1 action
Range: 150 feet
Components: V, S, M (a pinch of sesame seeds and a grease-stained napkin)
Duration: Instantaneous

You point your finger at a point you can see within range and imagine the absolute greatest cookout in the history of the Multiverse. A streak of shimmering, mustard-yellow light flashes from your pointing finger to a point you choose within range and then blossoms with a low, thrumming roar into an explosion of violet, "esoteric" energy.

Each creature in a 20-foot-radius sphere centered on that point must make a Constitution saving throw. A target takes 8d8 force damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. The explosion is so loud and distracting that any creature that fails the save is also deafened until the end of their next turn, mostly because their brain is trying to figure out why the air suddenly smells like backyard charcoal.

At Higher Levels. When you cast this spell using a spell slot of 6th level or higher, the damage increases by 1d8 for each slot level above 5th.

Note: Look, the Council of Boring Robes told me that "Force" damage was the most efficient, but if you feel like the explosion should be plaid or smell like grilled onions, just wiggle your pinky finger during the somatic component. It doesn't change the math, but it makes the existential dread of your enemies much more flavorful.